Gift idea guide for the Trump-lover in your life…
- Give her a dozen Omaroses.
- Have a Harvest Box delivered (she loves chocolate, so send her a can.)
- She’s tired of managing the household. So this week, you launder the money.
- Give her the gift that keeps on giving: A pardon.
- Idea: Use an LLC to buy her something expensive on credit. Then dispute the charge.
- Write her a poem in which you find something that rhymes with Covfefe.
- In this year’s card, use ALL CAPS!
- Just for this special day, void the NDA.
- Give her a copy of Fire and Fury on which you’ve scrawled the phrase, “in my pants.”
- Surprise. The orb vibrates!
- Take her on a Mar-a-Lago Valentine’s Day getaway. (To be sure to get a presidential sighting, you want to go there on a Saturday or Sunday, or a Thursday Friday, Monday, or Tuesday. Wednesday is unlikely — unless the weather is particularly good.)
- Try something new in the bedroom: Just for a split second, flash her your taxes.
- Not just any chocolate… White Chocolate.
- MAGA Fur-lined Handcuffs (when you open the box, you hear the chant, “lock her up.”)
- Propose (but don’t kneel).
If none of these gifts seem right, just play it safe and just get her whatever the hell Fox & Friends tells you to get her.