Image for post
Image for post

Trump-era Valentine’s Day Gifts

Gift idea guide for the Trump-lover in your life…

  1. Give her a dozen Omaroses.
  2. Have a Harvest Box delivered (she loves chocolate, so send her a can.)
  3. She’s tired of managing the household. So this week, you launder the money.
  4. Give her the gift that keeps on giving: A pardon.
  5. Idea: Use an LLC to buy her something expensive on credit. Then dispute the charge.
  6. Write her a poem in which you find something that rhymes with Covfefe.
  7. In this year’s card, use ALL CAPS!
  8. Just for this special day, void the NDA.
  9. Give her a copy of Fire and Fury on which you’ve scrawled the phrase, “in my pants.”
  10. Surprise. The orb vibrates!
  11. Take her on a Mar-a-Lago Valentine’s Day getaway. (To be sure to get a presidential sighting, you want to go there on a Saturday or Sunday, or a Thursday Friday, Monday, or Tuesday. Wednesday is unlikely — unless the weather is particularly good.)
  12. Try something new in the bedroom: Just for a split second, flash her your taxes.
  13. Not just any chocolate… White Chocolate.
  14. MAGA Fur-lined Handcuffs (when you open the box, you hear the chant, “lock her up.”)
  15. Propose (but don’t kneel).
  16. $130K.

If none of these gifts seem right, just play it safe and just get her whatever the hell Fox & Friends tells you to get her.

Dave Pell Writes NextDraft. You’ll Love It.

Written by

I write NextDraft, a quick and entertaining look at the day’s most fascinating news.

Get the Medium app

A button that says 'Download on the App Store', and if clicked it will lead you to the iOS App store
A button that says 'Get it on, Google Play', and if clicked it will lead you to the Google Play store