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This One Goes to Eleven

The other day my son told me that he should be able to stay up later now that he’s eleven. I responded, “That may be true, bud. But you’re still only ten.”

Him: “No, Dad. I’m eleven.”

Me: “Did you by chance turn eleven between Trump’s inauguration and today?”

Him: “Yeah.”

Me: “Well, that explains it. Sorry.”

Most Americans have spent the past six months feverishly trying to keep up with the Trump news, which comes, fast and furious, at all hours of the day (and night, if you include tweets). Between the scandals, the international gaffes, the disturbing handshakes, and a White House that has more turnover than a red light district AirBNB, keeping up with the news is a full time job.

I write a daily newsletter called in which I find, distill, and share the day’s most fascinating news. And yes, I’m self-promoting, or as Anthony Scaramucci would say, I’m sucking my own cock (but my hammies are way too tight for that — and who still remembers Anthony Scaramucci at this point?).

Since January 20th, I’ve been covering the news as fast as I can type. And, much to my dismay, the news these days is all Trump, all the time. As ironic as it sounds, I’ve got Trump on the brain. When my kids want me to play with them or help them with their homework, I respond with a one word refrain: “Trump.” I mumble “Trump” over and over in my sleep. Even my dogs think that “Trump!” is a command. (And yes, I always pick up after them when they obey.)

These days, the only Americans busier than me are fact checkers and the people who work in the administration’s HR department. I could go on and on about how much of my time is spent covering Trump news, but seriously, I don’t even have time to do that. (Besides, acts such introspection and calm self-reflection are considered unpatriotic these days.)

So I’ll get to the point.

If I spend every waking hour trying to keep up with his news, how does Trump do anything else other than make it, watch it, and respond to it?

The Washington Post is reporting that Donald Jr’s misleading statement on his meeting with the Russians by Trump (dictators gonna dictate…).

That Trump was the source didn’t really come as much of a surprise. First, we know Trump personally manages everything related to his brand and his scandals (forgive the redundancy). Second, the statement was misleading (and misleading is, aside from the orange sheen, Trump’s signature trait).

His remarkable stamina aside, the amount of time Trump spends on spewing, distrorting, and managing the Trump message leaves absolutely no time to actually do the job of being president.

His advisors spent time during the G20 to strategize a response the Don Jr revelations, and the president honed and dictated a misleading statement on Air Force One. With all that focus on the latest scandal, Trump barely had any time to chat about adoptions.

It’s disturbing that the leader of the free world isn’t interested in learning even the most basic details about health care, and that what he knows about North Korea was explained to him by China’s president over the bestest piece of chocolate cake ever. But even if Trump had the curiosity required to learn about and deliberate on the issues, there’s just no way he’d have the time.

That’s one of the many reasons I hope this guy isn’t still in office by the time my son turns 12.

I write NextDraft, a quick and entertaining look at the day’s most fascinating news.

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