- Like many of our so-called technological advances, online bill paying hasn’t improved the process all that much. Whatever way you pay bills, it’s always a drag. And it empties your bank account of funds you could be spending on your new, more minimalist lifestyle. So stop paying your bills. Yes, it can be that simple.
- Every parent has a similar routine. You wake up, get your kids ready for school as they take turns yelling at you and each other, then you drive them (screaming in the backseat) to the bus stop or all the way to school. The second they close their doors, you switch the radio from the Hits station to Howard Stern or some decent music that makes you nostalgic for the days when you and your spouse would wake up at noon, get high, and wear his-and-hers matching velour sweatsuits to get some Chinese food. Aah. What a fucking relief. How uncomplicated. So how do we lengthen these happy moments and reduce the amount of time in a daily, stressful family crisis? Well, this fix is going to seem so simple that you’re gonna hit yourself on the head like you just realized you should’ve had a V-8. A couple minutes into your drive, hit your blinker, pull over, stop the car, and say these two words, over and over: “Get Out.” Put on your favorite station and make a mental note to thank me later.
- You’ve read hundreds of articles and watched tons of Ted Talks all of which promise to deliver the secret morning routines of the highly successful. Let me offer a spoiler that will allow you to stop paying attention to this never-ending series of How-Tos. Here’s the one thing I absolutely guarantee no successful people do in the morning: Read clickbait, success-promising articles about how to most productively spend one’s mornings. Skip them all and use the time you’ve saved to sleep in. You may not be a success. But at least you won’t be a failure who is wasting your time.
- You’re always trying to be everything to everyone. Try this instead: Be nothing to no one. It may not be grammatically correct, but it sure gives you a lot more time to watch Netflix.
- Two things to avoid: Articles about Millennials. Millennials.
- This is pretty funny. But like most stuff on the web, it’s really not that funny. So stop reading this now. Also, stop using iTunes.
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