President Trump in the Rose Garden

Hey Earth, You Just Got Burned

10 thoughts on Donald Trump’s middle finger to Mother Earth.

  1. Donald Trump turned his Paris climate treaty announcement into a gameshow-esque spectacle. And Earth lost.
  2. The ever-unctuous Mike Pence introduced the president by saying: “Thanks to Donald Trump, America is back.” After today, way, way back.
  3. Trump kept up two of his presidency’s core traditions: Lying and surprising us on the downside. His claims about the non-binding treaty costing Americans jobs were borderline insane (and there’s no wall along this border either). Renewables are where the jobs are and where they will be. Even putting aside that reality, gleefully watching Earth burn up into a fiery inferno is hardly a good jobs program. All that said, the key here isn’t really the lies. It’s those who believe them.
  4. Even the doubters now know for sure that climate change is real because America’s reputation just went up in flames.
  5. One positive note: When Trump lands in hell, he’ll notice almost no temperature change.
  6. Trump opened his remarks by providing a pseudo-update on a terrorist act in Manila. We’ve grown accustomed to Trump sharing real intelligence with the wrong people. But this was a new one. He shared made-up intelligence. The incident in Manila was a robbery. For those scoring at home, that means Trump lied about every single thing during his address. (Sidenote: It might be a good time to stop getting daily briefings from Fox News.)
  7. America First! (More specifically, America’s coastal areas susceptible to rising tides first…)
  8. Trump likes everything overcooked. Even the planet.
  9. I remember when the imbeciles used to just burn books.
  10. In the end, all that will survive will be the cockroaches and Donald Trump’s lies.

Dave Pell writes NextDraft, covering the end of the world & other news.

I write NextDraft, a quick and entertaining look at the day’s most fascinating news.