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He Said, She Said: Debate One

Spoiler alert: She did pretty well. But she always does pretty well. He was terrible. But he’s always terrible.

He clearly spun out of control. But there was one common theme that he repeated: “She’s been doing this for 30 years.” Her response could have been better. Yes, she has spent the last 30 years serving her country while he has spent the last 30 years serving himself.

Oddly, he was even off the mark on the topics he covers endlessly in his stump speech, like jobs leaving the US. “If you think you’re going to make your air conditioners or your cars or your cookies or whatever you make and bring them into our country without a tax, you’re wrong.” A cookie tax? This gives new meaning to Toll House Cookies.

At one point my ten year-old son asked, “Wait, when she says she wants to raise taxes on some of the people, is she talking about us?” When I said yes, he asked, “Then why are we voting for her?” And I said, “Because it’s the right thing and a fair policy.” (I’ve since eaten half a box of Tumms.)

This could have been the single, most gutless remark in the history of modern day politics: “I was going to say something… extremely rough to Hillary, to her family, and I said to myself, ‘I can’t do it. I just can’t do it. It’s inappropriate. It’s not nice.’” Then he and his cronies did what he just couldn’t do in a spin-room act of desperation. But here’s the thing: We know about the blow job. We discussed it as a nation for years. If I were Trump, I’d be more worried about this than fellacio from the 90s.

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Here’s a thought. It doesn’t matter whether he was for or against Iraq. He has no knowledge on the situation. He is an imbecile.

After the debate, my daughter wanted me to leave the lights on in her room because she’s scared of robbers and cyber.

Remarkable moment when Trump promoted his DC hotel and hinted that it might be as close as he’d get to the White House. “We’re just opening up on Pennsylvania Avenue right next to the White House, so if I don’t get there one way, I’m going to get to Pennsylvania Avenue another.” How do you get to Pennsylvania Avenue: Practice.

On the positive side, America is finally got what we were waiting for: 90 minutes without a Donald Trump tweet.

Another shocker was Trump’s longing for airports more like Dubai (there’s a twist we didn’t see coming): “You land at LaGuardia, you land at Kennedy, you land at LAX, you land at Newark, and you come in from Dubai and Qatar and you see these incredible — you come in from China, you see these incredible airports, and you land — we’ve become a third world country.” There are couple reasons Dubai might have a nicer airport. The oil money. And the indentured servitude. Make Dubai Great Again.

I haven’t seen people promote their websites this much since Netscape was my browser.

No, that wasn’t your imagination. Trump just pissed away the 400lb bed-ridden vote.

Quick take: This debate could’ve used a moderator.

This moment sums up why Clinton had a strategy of staying above the fray and letting Trump score a series of own goals: “Well, I have much better judgment than she does. There’s no question about that. I also have a much better temperament than she has, you know?” (Laughter)

This political season is stressing us out and I’m convinced it’s bad for our health. Every part of me that aches when I’m under stress ached during this debate.

Related: The fact that Trump has gotten this far and has so much support is just deeply depressing. This night in American history is tough to fathom, and even tougher to stomach.

To me, it looked like he lost pretty badly in debate one. But my understanding of those who would vote for this guy is as limited as his understanding of any of the policy decisions or issues facing America today. So, who knows?

After all the buildup, the real event wasn’t all that exciting. I preferred The Apprentice episode with Gary Busey.

I write NextDraft, a quick and entertaining look at the day’s most fascinating news.

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