A Brett Kavanaugh-inspired Glossary of Prep-School Slang

An activity played much like the traditional Quarters Drinking Game, but with three glasses arranged in a triangle: Devil’s Triangle.

Multiple beers, as described by a person who isn’t afraid to tell you they really like beer: Skis.

Flatulence, particularly of the sort that would be entertaining to a budding boy of 16: Boof.

Someone who takes a second Adderall before track practice: A Quickie.

Accidentally washing colors with whites: Blowing a Load.

Taking a french fry from someone’s cafeteria tray without asking: A Reach Around.

Someone caught cheating in Spanish Class: A Dirty Sanchez.

The use of one’s boot to put out an unfiltered cigarette: Camel Toe.

Outcome when a member of the brass section accidentally leaves his instrument outside during the rainy season: A Rusty Trombone.

One who is both extremely generous and unusually orderly and fussy: Giving Anal.

Polo, Diving, and Swimming: Water Sports.

Key risk in the immediate aftermath of particularly heavy rains around New Haven: The Connecticut Mudslide.

A necklace made of pearls on a string: A Pearl Necklace.

Riding a horse backwards at the Equestrian Center: Reverse Cowgirl.

The subject matter covered when a member of the golf club gloats about his one good shot of the season: Glory Hole.

Trying to say the F word after chugging a glass of pop: Felching.

The year of both Richard Nixon’s inauguration and the Chappaquiddick affair: Sixty-Nine.

Accidentally hitting oneself with a hammer: Finger Bang.

Hitting a Democrat: Donkey Punch.

To jokingly pull back sunflower seeds from a rooster: Cock Tease.

One who is very crafty with language: Cunnilingus.

Accurately predicting a value or outcome: Pegging.

Eating (often in a joking manner) one’s food directly out of a bowl: Doggy Style.

A basketball team member who regularly gets called for technical fouls: T Bagger.

A Browns fan on most Sundays: Cleveland Steamer.

Leaking information to the Washington Post: Deep Throating.

One who loves you unconditionally but also behaves in an unpleasant way: Agaping Asshole.

Favor required by students who forget to bring tongs to school on Veggie Friday: Getting One’s Salad Tossed.

Expressing gratitude to a girl after being invited to listen to the song “Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go” at the Brooklyn Academy of Music: Wham, Bam, Thank You Mam.

Giving lip service to the notion that a person has consulted more widely and talked with more people from more backgrounds to seek input on a decision, when you know full well that the person is too lazy and evil to have done anything of the sort: Mouth to Ass.

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Dave Pell

Dave Pell

140K Followers

I write NextDraft, a quick and entertaining look at the day’s most fascinating news.