See, I told you 2020 would be a great year! They counted and they counted and they counted. In PA they reached the end of Pi, and still they counted; as well they should have because this election was about the largest ever American voting block across every race, gender, and creed coming together to set the country’s course back towards its hopeful future as a nation made great once, and now again, by diversity. They counted and they counted, and at long last, they reached 46. CNN called it. NYT called it. AP called it. NBC unplugged the Kornacki. …
I’m running out of time.
I love baseball. The smooth stylings of Giants’ announcers Mike Krukow, Duane Kuiper, and Jon Miller provide the soundtrack for my summers. I know it’s not in vogue to say it, but I love football, especially college football; a passion my son and I bond over. Krukow’s health has been failing in recent years, and he can’t keep up a fulltime baseball schedule forever. In the blink of an eye, my son will be out of the house and watching sports with his peers. I’ll be lucky to get a text during a game.
I spend my life absorbing and regurgitating the relentlessly depressing news of America’s precipitous, soul-crushing decline. There’s nothing I’d like more than to crack open a few hundred salted peanuts and change the subject to split fingered fastballs or escape into a discussion about how the Cal Bears’ defense can best adjust to the challenges presented by their next opponent. …
Guys, I really need to talk to you about something. It’s been weighing on my mind for a while. I’m probably just being hysterical. But it keeps nagging at me. I can’t let it go.
I think my 96 year-old dad might be part of Antifa.
I can feel you rolling your eyes like my friends and family do when I whisper to them about this theory. But hear me out.
There’s been a troubling pattern of behavior since he was a child.
In Holocaust ravaged Poland, as the Nazi front approached, instead of simply waiting to be absorbed by the Fascist lifestyle and embracing the convincing messaging put together by Joseph Goebbels and his copywriters, my dad’s family actually moved away from the incursion. (I know, I know. But wait. …
On the Steve Mnuchin Axl Rose Spat that Never Had to Happen.
In the inevitable mid-pandemic Twitter flame war, Axl Rose classified Treasury Secretary Steve Mnuchin as “officially an asshole.” Mnuchin fired back with the question: What have you done for the country lately?
For one thing: He rocked.
For another thing, his last tour pulled in almost $600 million, which compares quite favorably with America’s current business model.
But this is a fight that didn’t need to happen. When Rose broke a leg prior to a recent tour as the front man for AC/DC (yes, he did something for his country, and Australia), he performed entire shows sitting on a throne in front of rabid, adoring fans. How much more Trumpian can you get than that? And the uncanny parallels don’t stop there. …
Here’s a look at what the President of the United States was Tweeting as America’s Covid-19 body count continued to mount. The below examples are not exhaustive. But they are certainly exhausting.
Going Live Costs Lives
There are few TV genres with a more embedded tradition than medical shows. But someone needs to get this TV doctor off the air, stat, before Doogie Howitzer gets anyone else killed. Trump’s daily press conference is a deadly cesspool being shot out of a firehose.
As a country, we’ve been strapped to a gurney and wheeled, sans PPE, into an alternate universe, where Grey’s Anatomy became Daze Anatomy, Dr. Who became Dr. WTF, Trapper John is Crapper John, Nurse Jackie is Nurse Wacky, Nip/Tuck is Nip/F-ck, Dr. …
Like so many of the other happy, well-adjusted, quarantining families you’ve been seeing on Facebook, mine has been busy learning new skills, in between hyper-productive Zoom school sessions, socially distanced dog walks (timed to hit just the perfect sunset for a family selfie), and of course, taking advantage of this extra time to bond. What a gift!
Like your kids, mine have been wanting to try cooking. So we watched a selection of chefs on YouTube and decided to try our hand at a few very basic recipes, beginning with Julia Child’s famous Boeuf Bourguignon. It’s a three page recipe. …
I love New York.
The Brooklyn Bridge is my favorite place in the world. When it was completed in 1883, it was the tallest structure in the city.
I taught high school in Crown Heights during the riot years.
My friend, Elaine, was my supervisor back then and we once walked from Soho to Coney Island. She died unexpectedly a couple years ago, way too young, so my wife and I took the SFO redeye to JFK where I told Elaine’s friends and family about our walk, and that for me Elaine was New York City.
I never get bored on the Circle Line. …
A coronavirus is devastating the United States, sweeping from the coasts inward, as it challenges our health workers, our government leaders, and our families.
But the virus didn’t break America.
The virus arrived at our shores to find an America already broken.
The cure for our broken nation is the same curative needed to face this evil virus: The truth.
The lies that the administration told us will cost lives, maybe only thousands, probably tens of thousands, possibly hundreds of thousands. And like the virus, we’ve seen the scourge of lies coming.
As a nation, we’ve accepted the lies and we’ve punished the truth. …
On Saturday, as America reached two thousand deaths, Donald Trump retreated from his idea to force quarantine on New York, New Jersey, and Connecticut. While one can certainly understand the urgent desire to drive more people from public gatherings, it’s good news that Trump abandoned the draconian plan. As the defacto President Andrew Cuomo explained:
If you start walling off areas all across the country it would just be totally bizarre, counterproductive, anti-American.
That sounds like a Trump trifecta, so we’re lucky he didn’t go for it.
I’m opposed to forced quarantines, but I get the motivation. We need more people to stay at home to flatten the curve and save lives. …