We’re only a few days into the Olympics. But already some key themes have developed in our living rooms.
- The Olympics allows the best athletes in the world to thrill us with their mind-blowing dedication and excellence. And it affords the rest of us the opportunity to do what we do best: Sit on the couch and use social media to judge people who are actually doing something.
- For those on the west coast, NBC’s tape-delayed coverage has been a a bit of a throwback. I blocked all telegram deliveries, refused to let any Pony Express horses past my gate, and turned my back on every raven that entered my airspace — all in an effort to avoid spoilers. But I forgot about Internet. And apparently so did NBC.
- The Bob Costas Hologram is incredibly realistic.
- Someday you’ll be able to tell your grandkids that you won a gold medal in watching six hours of sports you had no interest in yesterday and will forget by tomorrow. USA. USA.
- Hopefully after mingling with people of the world, Americans will come home with the secret to using chip credit cards.
- Uber is the Simone Biles of on-demand car services.
- Spoiler alert: Michael Phelps won a gold medal. (Of course, people on the east coast knew that in 2008.)
- My therapist said I could either start taking Xanax or stop watching Balance Beam.
- You know how you can never get one certain song out of your head? Well, for Michael Phelps, that song is the National Anthem.
- Anyone else get the feeling that Roger Ailes produced the Women’s Beach Volleyball segments?
- Hang in there Team USA. Only a couple more weeks of hearing athletes from other countries ask you how the hell Trump got this far.
- US Olympic athletes dedicate years of their lives to an all-consuming quest for success. And in the end, almost all of them fail to make any monetary profit. In other words, they’d be perfect for Internet startups.
- It’s ironic that for every American not in the Olympics, these are the most sedentary and gluttonous weeks of their lives. (After a couple hours of viewing the swimmers, doesn’t that yellow world record line start to look like Cheez Whiz?)
- Anything taller than 4'8" is a waste of space.
- Bottom line, any television that takes our mind off the 2016 election is good television.
From his couch, Dave Pell covers the day’s most fascinating news.